so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
