So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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