i don't like sucking hair
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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