apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
