ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
