SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
