Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
