the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
drinking out of a sandbucket again
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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