he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My penis needs a shock collar
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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