It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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