he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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