i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
