noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
