I think my vagina is haunted
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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