How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
