I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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