I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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