How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
