Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
