dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He did a backflip because drugs
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
