i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i now understand why vodka
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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