I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
