yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
