worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
