My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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