I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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