At least make sure they are 18
Why
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
