Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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