ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We're too hungover to prance.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
