Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(856): View more from New Jersey

My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?

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(770): View more from Georgia

I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.

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(914): View more from New York

last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.

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(515): View more from Iowa

So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(608): View more from Wisconsin

imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"

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(352): View more from Florida

she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?

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