$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.