Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea