Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.