Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(626): View more from California

What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"

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(626): What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?" http://tfl.nu/e6g5

Replies (33) Good night (718) Bad night (2917)
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(914): View more from New York

woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again

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(914): woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again http://tfl.nu/hmop

Replies (9) Good night (4202) Bad night (627)
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(319): View more from Iowa

Heyyyy darlin are you busy?

(1-319): View more from Iowa

Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.

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(319): Heyyyy darlin are you busy? (1-319): Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night. http://tfl.nu/pwb0

Replies (34) Good night (25664) Bad night (1824)
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(480): View more from Arizona

oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund

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(480): oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund http://tfl.nu/xo4q

Replies (6) Good night (2873) Bad night (795)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.

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(780): My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/iiov

Replies (5) Good night (3656) Bad night (857)
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(773): View more from Illinois

You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.

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(773): You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930. http://tfl.nu/kxnv

Replies (14) Good night (3086) Bad night (921)
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(740): View more from Ohio

Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you

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(740): Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you http://tfl.nu/m5id

Replies (2) Good night (2050) Bad night (841)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.

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(843): So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay. http://tfl.nu/5u6r

Replies (10) Good night (4396) Bad night (799)
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(352): View more from Florida

Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?

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(352): Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend? http://tfl.nu/xbp0

Replies (6) Good night (2008) Bad night (517)
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(646): View more from New York

You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?

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(646): You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std? http://tfl.nu/jhp0

Replies (17) Good night (1382) Bad night (3306)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.

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(610): Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey. http://tfl.nu/1z5r

Replies (5) Good night (1624) Bad night (530)
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(248): View more from Michigan

He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.

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(248): He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it. http://tfl.nu/eor8

Replies (4) Good night (2120) Bad night (436)
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(518): View more from New York

he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!

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(518): he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him! http://tfl.nu/wppf

Replies (2) Good night (273) Bad night (464)
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(208): View more from Idaho

When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.

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(208): When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all. http://tfl.nu/wlj1

Replies (5) Good night (730) Bad night (203)
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(330): View more from Ohio

Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.

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(330): Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now. http://tfl.nu/qkkr

Replies (4) Good night (283) Bad night (701)

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