there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
her facebook's as public as her vagina
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?