Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
