Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.