I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
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You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
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I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.