If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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