Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
