DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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