He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
