I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
