Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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