last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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