it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My penis needs a shock collar
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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