I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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