My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
