she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
