Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
