I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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