My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
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How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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