she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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