You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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