I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
