I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
