Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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