her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
