he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
