That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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