literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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