false alarm. still invincible.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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