Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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