Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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