upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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