I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just gift wrapped bread.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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