i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
