A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
