I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
What a dumb baby whore.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
