if you like me you must not know who I am
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
