I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Your cock deserves a montage
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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